Who am I?

Last month, I shared how during my season of pruning, I’ve asked God many times, “*Are my ambitions too big?*” This question has lingered after facing rejection after rejection from numerous jobs.

After voluntarily leaving Columbia University last summer, I was determined to pivot slightly from volunteer engagement into events and marketing at a global company. I had my sights set on landing a role in what I like to call a “name-brand job”— meaning a well-known workplace that my parents would recognize and feel proud of and where I’d finally feel like “I made it.”
But y’all, it’s been a JOURNEY. While I’ve been incredibly blessed to have friends and former colleagues refer and vouch for me at companies like Google, Visa, Intuit, ABC News, and more, every lead has resulted in a dead end. *I literally could not understand.* As optimistic as I am, and as much as I trust in God that my heart’s desires are possible, the rejections started to weigh on me.
Recently one morning, in total despair and tears, I wrote in my journal: “*Why would I have so much hope that these opportunities are possible if they’re not?”* Honestly, I was ready to throw the towel but by the end of my journaling I decided giving up just wasn’t an option. Something about the hope I felt in my heart was encouraging enough to keep me going. So instead, I started to explore what my hopes *truly* meant.

As I walked through the East Village a few Saturdays ago, I asked God, “Why am I so pressed about breaking into these name-brand companies?” I am at a point in my walk with the Lord where I’ve learned that whenever I feel pressed about achieving something that keeps resulting in closed doors, it’s usually because there’s something deeper I need to confront.

And then, it clicked.

I realized I was hoping that by securing a “name-brand job” I would finally get the validation I’ve been chasing since my senior year of high school, when I didn’t get the chance to go away to college alongside my peers. I remember feeling so unworthy, embarrassed, left behind, and terrified for my future. More than that, I realized that unprocessed disappointment had created a ripple effect throughout my life where I pursued career opportunities in hopes of proving my worth while placing those I saw as more successful on a pedestal. BAM!!

When we endure rejection at any stage of our life, we subconsciously (and sometimes knowingly) begin to chase things outside of us as proof of our worth. But what really happens is we end up on a hamster wheel of unfulfillment and insecurity:

We get rejected by someone we love so we become hyper-focused on changing how we look but still feel unattractive.
Our parents ignored us or were absent as children, so we become overachievers academically and professionally but still feel lonely.
We were made fun of for not having a lot of financial resources growing up, so we chase wealth and luxury items as adults to compensate for our upbringing but still feel empty.

My chase for these “name-brand” jobs wasn’t really about the companies themselves—it was about seeking wholeness in all the wrong places. The truth is, I already had a name-brand job— and STILL QUIT!!! lol

Coming to this realization lifted such a weight off my shoulders. External validation is fleeting but when your identity is anchored in an unchanging God—rooted in His purpose, peace, love and his unique design of you—you begin to experience real contentment and peace with yourself.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” - Jeremiah 1:5

In that moment of clarity, I prayed: “Okay God, open the door to the job You have for me—the place I’ll enjoy because I genuinely like it and aligns with Your purpose for me, not because my identity is tied to it.”

Well friends, soon after, I felt convicted to begin volunteering and joined the marketing team for a startup nonprofit dedicated to amplifying the voices of refugee women and children globally. It’s been incredibly exciting and rewarding to collaborate with an amazing international team of volunteers from Kenya, the Philippines, Germany, Canada and more.

Also, how on-brand for Rosario on the Road to now be volunteering internationally! Ha-ha ;)

“11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

While I believe God’s will for my career is still unfolding, I am learning that God is a God of order. In His plans to prosper us and give us a future, He first needs to mold and prepare us so that we can experience the breakthrough needed in order to sustain the blessing. This is how we also grow closer to him. External validation is fleeting but God is eternal.

Cheers,
Maria Rosario